So I pretty much hate blogging unless I have pretty pictures and tales of hope and joy to share. Right now, I do not. To put it bluntly, I'm struggling a little right now. Or maybe a lot. I had a really rough week at work last week. Like the worst in my working career. I messed up and went from being "that funny, weird, new girl" to basically the idiot newbie and social pariah. It's a long story in which I feel I was put in a horrible situation, but in the end...I made the mistake. At this point, no one will talk to me and I feel like I can't do anything right. Friends? HA! I managed to kill any relationships I was starting to form. Dream job = nightmare. Yes, woe is me. On top of that, I'm set to take my boards tomorrow and I can't manage to pass a practice test to save my life. I'm trying not to let my head get in the way, but my confidence has basically evacuated the building. So I'm expecting rock bottom to hit at about 4:00 PM tomorrow. Pacific Standard Time if you want to set your watches. I think the hardest thing about all of this is that I'm here alone and I've never felt more isolated in my entire life. I left Utah on a full tank of gas with big aspirations. Not only my own, but those of my friends and family. What hurts the most is knowing that I've probably let some people down. To have everything I've worked so hard for over the last two years derailed in just three short weeks... UGH.
Despite everything that's transpired, I'm okay. I still think I'm really lucky. And kinda funny. Heh! I know that I'll get past this and I'll look back and think, "Dude. You shoulda paid somebody to bitch slap your ass for being such the whiny drama queen!" But right now, I'm wallowing. And maybe not blogging so much? I don't know. I have a hard time imagining people want to hear about me crying, a la Nancy Kerrigan, "Why? Why?! WHYYYYYYY?!?!?!?" We'll see.
I need to re-group, re-assess, and re-be-awesome. Yeah.
3 comments:
Yo, suck it up kid, you have work to do. AC, you took a huge chance and left your security blanket here in Utah and are living your dream. Dont let a little bump in the road slow you down, cause trust me, there're more to come, that I can promise you.
Roll with the punches, and then punch back. Its all about your ability to rebound and come back stronger, we learn from our mistakes, I make approximately 742 mistakes a day, give or take, but lear from each one. Not repeating any the next day.
Everyone is proud of what you are doing, and I can firmly say that I couldnt do what you do. So get one with your bad self chicka!
love ya
Jonas
(the other meaner, more handsome brother)
Adrienne - besides being my favorite daughter - you are also my most awesome daughter!!!
I love you more than you know - and I am way jealous of all the things you are doing these days!!
I want to be you when I grow up!!
Love you tons and tons!! Only 15 more days.
Your Mudda
I'm sorry things are not going so well right now! But you've only been there a few weeks, they, and you, can't expect you do do everything perfect right away. Seriously, if you have been shuned, they are idiots! You are honestly the most awesome girl I know! Don't let anyone get you down. We are our own worst enemy, and you need to walk with your head held high. Just because there's this bump in the road, doesn't mean it will be there forever, or even next week!
You are one awesome girl - and you can do this!!
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